eclipse

You don't have the right to regret it now... It's all too late. You've made your decision. You've scream it, to all ears to know... my neighbours think I'm I crazy but they don't know that you're all I have. I know you're somewhere out there.. we've been separated miles miles away but I want you next to me. I want you back. Please, I will say that it's all my fault if that will make you turn around to me. Tonight, I saw the eclipse, I somehow too, pray to God..still trying to get to you... I keep on talking to the stuff I'm seeing trying to talk to you and God, hoping you're talking to me too.. do you ever hear me calling? am I a fool? ahah.

Sun, Stars, Wind, Moon... why does he hate me?

I have these stories playing inside of my mind repeatedly. I want to forget but I know that I surely didn't want to forget. Because I was a kid, a strange kid I suppose. I once imagined you to be this tall guy, straight short hair that's combed back with a shirt that's tugged in. I imagined for you to have these two gorgeous pair of eyes that would make me nervous by just a glance. But I liked that about you. It was surely a destined meet because since the beginning, there was no awkwardness between us. As if we were old friends. Just by looking at your eyes I can tell there was no words needed. This is probably what the call love. Yes, love at first sight. I sometimes wish that I'm a singer. So that I can sing and yell everything that's screaming inside of me for you to hear, to know without being judged. But this world is cruel because everyone, everything must be judged by all eyes's. I know that it's selfish of me to thinks like this. But we went on our own separate ways. Please If you're hurt like I do, I would go back on that day if I were you. I got to swear that I saw you turned around 3 times that day. Even if your heart left me, my heart still remembers you. But I'm already absent in your mind yet I'm still foolishly chasing after you.

Only One For Me

We first started our 1st chapter with a fairytale.

We smoothly go through it..

We built our own memory lane which

was beyond this KID's imagination.

But it was torn apart by a Cyclones...

The Island that was suppose to be a paradise,

change into a Neverland.

These is a sincere story deep deep from my heart.

The more I push, the better it will be.

The first time I remember, all of us were together.

In the future that where ever you might be,

please wait a bit longer and wait for me, will you?

By then if I ask you, do you like me too?

please call my name when you see me...

In a blink of an eye, we will be adults...

by then will you remember me?

yes, I was that strange child...

But in the future which we will be in,

by chance I might wander and be lost,

please call out my name so that I can recognize you.

Suratan takdir...

Walaupun natijahnya, aku yang dikhianati...

Walaupun berbuat baik pada umat manusia,

natijahnya aku yang menjadi mangsa.

Walaupun telah banyak orang yang pergi.

aku tetap reda dengan qada dan qadarNya.

Walaupun, kau pergi untuk mencintai dia,

dan aku tetap menerima seadanya,

natijahnya aku yang terluka.

Aku masih sanggup menelan setiap apa yang berlaku.

Aku telan semuanya walaupun hingga ke akhir hayat aku yang terluka.

Aku sanggup jika dengan berbuat sedemikian dapat menyelamatkan keadaan.

Walaupun tidak ada walau sebesar hama sekalipun kasih untukku,

Aku sanggup menelan semua itu.

Maafkan aku kerana lemah.

Dan jika telah tersurat yang ikatan ini berakhir sebelum ianya bermula.

Aku memohon kehadrat Ilahi agar

menutup serapat-rapatnya pintu hatiku untukmu.

Maafkan aku kerana tidak dapat melepaskanmu.

Don't think I can take it anymore.

Wait, let me flash back my life for a several hours...

I realize now how pathetic am I in those man's eyes...

'crying for something that will never be hers'.

and I tried to smile but forget about that, I'm still crying.

SHIT, why are you so hard to be gone from my life?

Most moment my heart are always in pain and I want to scream.

I was crying inside my eyes,

You behaved so well and were strong enough not

to show fear in front of everyone else.

I don't wanna let us down

I wasn't trying to tell you the worst things for your life...

I'm not the type that easily mock someone and actually MEAN it...

yeah, I'm the one and only girl that had no clue of what is actually

happening between us. Is it true? Is all that I've heard is true?

do you really have a good reason for why you're doing this?

If you do then why do you have to ALWAYS ALWAYS use a higher tone

when you're talking to me? why are you doing this really..

when I'm over you, why should I hear all of those THINGS that are not

supposed to be told to me? that you're doing this is actually to protect me?

FROM WHAT?! FROM FREAKING WHAT?! FROM YOURSELF?

damn I guess what I dreamed before IS true. I'm not at right spot to cry again.

I'm out of my own breath when I keep on thinking about this.

don't you know I'm too young to be dealing with this crises?

As much as I loved you, As much as I believed in you
It hurts... Because I hate you so much, because it’s sad
It hurts ...This farewell, this can’t be good but still, goodbye...

Good bye...I really don't wanna let us down... I really don't,

but still... Good bye even though I hate you, you are my love.

The first person I really do love and appreciated. To be saying those

hard words 'Good bye, I'm no longer your dolls to be played with and

I truly don't love you anymore.' These are the lies of both mans...

we both make those mistake by using those piercing sentences to each other.

Good bye.

These Is Why I'm a loner

I'm smiling. So? the hell with it, i'm tired.

You said that you love me. when i loved you back,

you turn your back on me.

Yesterday I found out about you,

and even now I'm still thinking about you.

When I text you,you wouldn't reply. So it's annoys me.

You knew that you didn't love me anymore.

But what am I to do? I'm still stuck to you.

As I paced back and forth this days because I believed in you.

Holding on to those sweet remedy of your words.

Stupid girl, I should've known...

But I can't resist this! the hell I can't resist this!

Before you go please tell me this,

was it worth it? was she worth this?!

You should've said no Nazren. you should've said no to her.

F**kin perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, but never the same.
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

He's Love Is All She Knows

Name : Khairin Afina

Age : 17 going on 18

Occupation : Future designer

status : single but silents

Blog : http://musicluvr118.blogspot.com/

Recently she's been dealing with bullshit and

craps all over again after the frustrating 2010.

She've been lied. She've been deceived, She've been persuaded.

She've been denied. She've been called a loner. She've been crying.

She yelled and acted like a mad woman..but even with all of those

experience, she's never tired of smiling all over again. and I do

admire her for being like that. Kak khairin, I know that you are

a lot of hell more stronger than those other woman out there.

And besides, we're here to support you akak. just stay calm okay?

i've been there and i'm fine because of yours and the others supports

for me akak. so i'm doing the same to you. BE SAFE akak. :)

The End Of March Test

There are absolutely no other weeks that was so freakishly not fun

like this one. It was the March test for SMK Putrajaya P8(1)...

and one more time! I'M A FORM 4 STUDENT! oooooyeaaahhhhh.

the test was not quite easy. especially for Account,

i just HATE the facts that i can't answer it -.-'

addmaths my favorite over all of those subject~ haha.

I receive an A for that subject :P. kehkehkeh...

Alhamdulillah thank you Allah :)

So tonight, Saturday night... i've been skyping with Izmeer Aduka

(ceh name nak hebat, haha)AND! the one and Only

My Kak Khairin Sayang <3!

awesome senior i've ever met let me tell you that.

she's my back bone :D. hehe akak! you rock my mind!

:D

(The skype box when I was skyping with her)

(and this is just me fb-ing with nazren :])

Sunday Macaroons

ooohhhyeeeeeaaaaaaahhh!

my first trial of chocolate macaroons and it came out great!

Alhamdulillah, :D.

took my mom lots of money to buy the ingredients though, haha.

it was a tiresome though. to do the whisking was okay lah.

but the part to put it into the piping beg was so damn annoying -.-'

but then again, i receive a great call back. haha

Friday, new start heh?

Mariam's weather forecast:

Morning, we celebrate THE CHOSEN ONE's birthday,

PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW...it was fun! everyone had a blast! :D

The day start with a smile on my face as if nothing never happened.

And it is.. NOTHING ever happened... I never knew you,

I never met you, I never talked to you, I never smiled at you,

I never know your name, I never came to you, I never say sorry to you,

I never stand beside you. I was a dreamer. and if I do met you.

it's only a dream, a very forceful dream I've ever had.

Thursday Tragedy

MARIAM'S WEATHER FORECAST:

The whole day I've waited for what you have to said to me... THE WHOLE

FUCKING DAY I'VE WAITED and all that you can do is to tell what

you wanted to say to someone else by saying ''kau ni terlampau ambik

serious sangatla. benda REMEH-TEMEH ni kau rilek sudeeeee.....''

FUCK YOU LA remeh temeh!. Aku tak nak langsung gaduh dengan kau.

gile sucks doh. agak lah sikit nak kate

bende tu remeh de! wa bako lu gak kang! x(. It's funny that you think

you really know me, it's even funnier that you think you really

know yourself and I was all up to think that THIS can be fix..silly silly me.

the strange's thing is that when ever i'm almost get over you completely,

you pulled me in for another round. WHAT THE HELL?!

are you crazy? why are you like this? being beside you,

seeing you is suffocating... Please disappear from my sight.

Cut the crap and get a hold of yourself and stop it!

I loved you ones and twice but I don't now.

i'm erasing you from my memory.

Typical Wednesday

Didn't go to school today. Ohhhhhyeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh!!! xD

Had some 'ISSUES'. So yeah... It was kinda awesome staying home while

other people are going to school. meh meh meh. BUT! even though i was absent,

I STILL studies at home kayyyyy. huhu.

Tuesday's

Mariam's weather broadcast:

It was morning and it was raining heavily just like how my heart was back then.

The news that will be told about several minutes from I get out from the car.

I heard what you have to said but so poor that it came form someone else's mouth.

Why can't you build up the courage that you have and come to face me?

By then the things you only know is just mock me behind my friggin' back.

You know that you just don't need me anymore so you just decided to leave.

On evening I stayed back at school with my classmates and schoolmates to

attend our add math class. It was exciting and not an exhausting at all.

It's all thanks to Idris, Izmeer and Erik because they would accompany me

for me to attend the class even though it's not their class.THANK YOU DUDES!

Monday, am I in the correct position?

it was morning and it's assembly time as always on Monday.

i finally accomplish my duties for today.

Oh GOD it was nerve wrecking

but still, i managed to do it :D.

hooreey hooorey!

So one of my classmates try to help me with my problems today.

and he is willingly to help me solve the problem.

I'm not really sure with that suggestion though.

but we'll see the answer tomorrow.

I'll suck it all up tomorrow.

Tomorrow to I try .

FromQue

This is my beloved kakcik! people

just call her Syiqin, that's more friendly 'ight?

I love her doh~ she is the most, one and only brilliant person

i've ever known. it's like she have a camera in her head that

she won't need to look at what she read many times(Photoscopic memory..duhhh -.-')

She love to help me! and that's because I always ask(more like force though) to help me!

and she would help so willingly! hemmo hemmo hemmo

You see, my blog here... she's the one who design it~ oooyeaaahhhh!

She is HOT! tssssss... HAHA

she's hurt. but every time when she's with me, she would be as happy as hell~ muahaha

why? because i'm her 'terbaek' adik as well as you say it ;P

wakakaka.

oh yeah. to that asshole who hurt her. go kick your own balls will you?

p/s: I love you kakcik :D

Everything's Okay

If you see my face, what would you scream?

and would you mock me to my face?

if you were faced with me in all your patiences.

what would you ask if you have just one question?

yeah yeah, I am in pain.

yeah yeah, you're not here.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

what if you see my face again?

just a slob like i used to be?

just a stranger in the class.

trying to make everything's okay.

Muhammad Izmeer Aiman Bin Mokhtar!!!

Lelaki ini! lelaki ini! aku panggil dia Izmeera(baru ja tadi!)!

hua hua hua.

dia ni..... dia pelik sioootttttt! dia cakap aku pelik!

tapi dia 16 kuasa 8 lagi pelik dari aku!

He's Personality that I've known so far:

- stupid

-brilliant in maths & addmaths

- trustworthy

- faithful

- caring

- cat-tish

- a gentleman

- a supporter

- a guy that won't take a girls money

- stubborn

- always day dreaming

- a great guy

- an awesome guy

- a funny guy

- he'll be there for you if you needed help, i'm sure ;)

- he's height~(awesome)

- he's just like one of us

overall... i'm glad i met you ;). praying to God you'll deserve better.

An evening at Alamanda

Well, today at 2.45 p.m. , me, my parents and

my Paksu Mi's family went out to Alamanda!

we didn't do nothing much but I did got a new purse and a new Iphone case~

+ with a new screen protector! Oooo yeahh! at last! dapat juga yang baru!

'Kita Bako je Yang Lame tu! Kita Bako! kita BAKO!!!' xD

well, here's some photo's from today. :)

Fantasy of 2009 - The End of 2010

It's like whatever I do just can't get trough to you.

So listen.

This Book is where I write.

In this book I list all the things that happened.

In this book I learnt that day by day everything worsen.

In this book I TO reveal everything that happened.

I'm sorry if this post may make you feel mocked.

By The Way You Should Know That I'm The Owner Of The Heart That You've Hurt.

navi - 10 minutes (cover lee hyori)

I am! currently singing 10 minutes cover by navi this time!

singing my head like yeah! hahahaha

that song rocks when navi sang it. WOW WOW

PEACE OUT!

'I want her old self again'

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT REASON?

was i'm the who changed?

was i'm the one who suddenly show crap like that?

was i'm the one that talk to you with maximum only 5 words?!

was it me who make everything that we built lost?!

YOU TOLD THEM YOU WANTED ME FOR WHO I WAS BEFORE?

DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT WHAT I WANT?!

ABOUT HOW I FELT WHEN YOU MOCK?!

ABOUT ALL THE RECOVER THAT I DID WHEN YOU SHOW YOUR TANTRUMS?!

my finger are like slipping from my hand

when i'm praying to Allah that for everything to be fine again.

you'll never be the same

I may

I may said that 'oh god i'm so happy for the both of you!'

I may said 'i want to be your bridesmaid!'

I may said 'make sure that you take a really good care of her!'

I may said 'i would be mad at you if you hurt her!'

I may said 'you'll be a great husband for her someday'

it was the truth. truly from the bottom of my heart.

I do meant all of those sayings.

but am in the right place to say those words of wisdom

when i'm still insecure with my feelings to you?

i'm sorry for bringing this up. I'm sorry that

i didn't have the courage to tell you these.

it just that i don't want to be the one that stole

someone else's. no more. i don't want to be the blame.

last year incident is enough. even though i'm not to blame

i am still to be blame. one day, you'll know this.

and it'll be the last time you'll see me.

Me Today! :D

OH MY GOSH! at last!

I'm back in this blogging life...

after the whole year of

disappointment, heartbroken,

lost a part of my life, the 'was not so bad result' ,

the friends that comes and go,

the true meaning of betrayal BITCH,

the sad sad story that finish without an ending,

i am FINALLY starting a new fresh life in 2011

with my new classmates, new friend mates,

new scandals(perlu kah?),

new perfect teachers

(not that last year i had a bad teacher or anything),

the new focus life of mine

is beginning and i'm so glad that i have no more

interest to be hurt for the second time anymore(or am i?). :D

that's all for the new entry ;D